Sally came home with her new fur coat. When her daughter saw the coat she yelled: "Mum, you should be ashamed of yourself to wear a fur coat! Don't you realise that than poor dumb animal has suffered for that?" Sally looked at her daughter angrily and shouted out: "Don't you dare to talk about your father like that...!"
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even considereating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying. Flying made her nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing. After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?" The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible." He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?" She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible." He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?" The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him." "What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically. "Then you can ask him." replied the lady.
It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his blonde wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire. Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you. Better to be safe than...punch a 5th grader. Never underestimate the power of...termites. You can lead a horse to water but...how? Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty. No news is... impossible. A miss is as good as a... Mr. You can't teach an old dog new... math. If you lie down with dogs, you'll... stink in the morning. Love all, trust... me. The pen is mightier than the... pigs. An idle mind is... the best way to relax. Where there's smoke there's... pollution. A penny saved is... not much. Don't put off till tomorrow what...you put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose. None are so blind as... Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries. You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box. When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.
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